The reality of the relationship

Back in the car, headed for home, Charles makes a suggestion, “You should ask out the cute girl from the coffee shop.”

“You mean the blond one?”, I ask. Of course he means the blond, I've only been thinking about her every five minutes since we saw her this morning, but I'm trying to act casual, you see.

“No, the dorky haired guy. Yes the blond one!”, he snaps back.

“I can't, I already have a girlfriend.”

“No you don't.”

It's true, I already have a girlfriend, kind of. We're just on a break, kind of. It's actually the seventh or eighth “break” in our relationship and the fourth in the last month. I'm not really sure how the fights that cause these breaks get started, as I don't start them, and they're never my fault. Well, there was that one time when I invited Melissa to a movie, I ended up picking her up too late, and we missed all the shows we wanted to see and were forced to watch an army movie. A good army movie though, but she was still mad. Lately, nothing I do is right, I feel like she's the relational 'monkey wrench'.

Females tend to do be the 'monkey wrench' in relationships more than the males. In an effort to brew passion in their courting male counterparts, the female will put up an obstacle that the male will have to surmount, which in her mind logically means that he loves her, has proved his love her, is worthy to continue courtship and will do so now with more fervor than ever. All a bunch of hog wash really, but this is how it goes, and goes, and goes. When this ploy is continually used, relational deflation soon commences.

I'm not sure if that these breaks are all relational monkey wrenches, or a sign things are ending. I really don't want things to end, I like her a lot, sometimes. She was really great when I met her, we had so much in common, and she was an incredibly interesting person. She's changed, I haven't: she's no longer happy, conversationally creative or sharing. It seems like she spends most of our time together complaining about me or her friends (merely girl type gossip, regarding “I can't believe she said that” or “wore that”).

I haven't changed; She's changed.

But I think things will workout.. I've invested seven months with her, and I'm not going to let that all crumble just because of a few dumb fights. She'll come around, we'll come around, we just need some time and a good talk.

“You guys aren't dating anymore, trust me. Stop trying to hang on to the last little thread of your dying relationship. It's written all over Melissa's face: it's over”, Charles delivers, and it's a little harsh.

“Whatever. We'll see,” I respond, thinking about how happy I would be if these relational-breaks weren't hanging over my head. Not to mention that Cute Coffee Girl is quite cute. But I can make it work with Melissa, I can't think about other girls, I won't think about other girls. What am I missing here? “What do you mean it's written all over her face?”

Charles first point: “Body language, her actions make her feelings transparent. For example, have you noticed that she doesn't put her dishes away when she eats at your house? The first sign of not caring, losing respect and love. On a first date, both of you would be scrambling to clean up after yourself and one another.”

“You might be reading into that a little too much,” I suggest.

“Fair enough. Another example: When she sits and talks with you, her legs and arms are crossed a lot, and she tends to look up and away from you a lot. This isn't good. Looking up and away, indicates annoyance, inconvenience and 'I wish I was some where else now'. The only time 'up and away' looking is good, is when there is big stupid smiling or lip biting – both indicators of heart throbbing. You follow?” Charles finishes his second point.

“Uh, yeah, I think so. Though she is nice sometimes,” I defend.

“Yeah, the in-and-out tides, the last breath of life in the relationship. She has already decided she's done, emotional bags are packed, but every once and a while she comes back for just one more breath of fresh air, remember what was. These are becoming less and less, as she'll move onto another source of fresh air eventualy. I'm telling you, things are done, and the sooner you accept this and move on, the better you'll be.”

I'm not taking this news to well, as my heart is still in relationship-revival mode, and maybe we can make this work still. The bottom of my stomach feels heavy, sick, and stressed. Now what? A little annoyed at Charles, I give back, “Well, you don't know everything, you don't know us, and you don't know how things are going either. Maybe things will workout.”

Maybe things will workout. I'm not sure where things started going off track, but if I ... if we fix this, then we'll be rolling again.