The worst worst Monday

Monday stumbles in with four snooze button hits, burnt toast as there's no milk, and a lunch consisting of an apple, can of Pasta-In-A-Can (the label is gone, so I'm not sure if its the little meat packet or Macaroni noodle kind), and a can opener. I have no time to shower, brush my teeth or do much more than wet and pat down my hair. I hate wearing the same underwear two days in a row, but theres no other option today.

The freeway has turned into the Idiot-apolis 500, major grid lock. Drivers are changing lanes sporadically, 'Yes this lane is moving so much faster, please cut me off.' I'm going to be late again. Why is everything moving so slow? I wish I had a flying car, I wouldn't have this problem any longer. Or a rocket launcher mounted on my roof would clear things up fast.

The problem with being late on the Monday morning drive to work, is you become exponentially late for work the later you leave. As the morning moves along, the road fills with more 'late people': panicky, sleepy-eyed people racing against the clock, all the while eating breakfast, applying makeup, and checking they're hair in the rear-view mirror. Monday mornings have to be the unsafest time to drive during the week. I have no statistics to back this up, it just makes sense.

Here we go, this was the hold up, somebody has a flat tire. They're on the shoulder of the road, out of the way, not blocking traffic at all, but everybody slows down and looks. People, it's just a flat tire! You've seen these before, chances are you might even have had one. Move along! What could be so interesting? Maybe he's using a new type of car-jack.

Speed-walking through the front door of Boxlander Inc. (where I work), I plan to rush to my desk before anybody sees me. If nobody sees me I can say that I was five minutes late, not fifteen, well actually it's closer to seventeen and a half, but I can say that I was only five minutes late which is a forgivable time for anybody to be late. Just need to get my jacket off and into my cubicle and then I'll...

The conference door room swings open, which is located right by the main entrance, and co-workers are piling out. I'm screwed. Co-workers take they're jabs as they file by.

"“You're a little late.”"
"“Where were you?”"
“"It's about time you got here. You missed out on the safety realignment meeting this morning. It started at 7:30am. Did you forget about it?"” Jacob stops, questioning, and filling me in on the mornings events.
"“Nobody told me about this meeting. Was it important? What did I miss? How was I supposed to know about this?”" Panicking a bit, this is not working well for my get-to-my-cubicle-so-nobody-knows-I'm-late plan.
"“Your manager should have told you about it. Didn't Gary say anything?"” he responds.
“"No. That jerk face, I can't believe he did this to me. He needs a punch in the..."” I stop short as Gary walks out, Jacob scurries off and I'm left to face the wrath of Gary.

Smirking, Gary starts in, "“Nice of you to come in today. Are you only working half-days now?" he chuckles.
“" didn't know about any safety realignment meetings. Nobody told me,"” I snap back.
“"I told you about it, I put a memo on your desk on Friday.”"
"“No you didn't.”"
“"Yes, I did. You must have missed it.”"
"“Or I didn't receive it.”"

I get to my cubicle, unloading my lunch and coat onto my desk and boot my computer. Stupid Gary not telling me about this meeting. My ears a burning I'm so mad. This makes me look awful, and will probably be noted on my upcoming performance evaluation. What's this? A sheet of paper sits on the side of my desk, It's the safety meeting reminder from Gary. This was not here Friday.

Stupid Mondays. Why would any moron schedule a meeting for 7:30am on a Monday anyways? Nobodies going to be awake during that meeting, so why bother. And why do we need safety meetings in an office anyways? “Dear staff, please stop stapling your hands with the new 100-page stapler; it's bad for you, but more importantly it's bad for the company. As well paper cuts were up last week, and were trying to cut back on the number of band-aids we go through. And a reminder that playing basketball with your scrap paper is against company policy as it clearly breaks the 'No fun' policy.”

Stupid safety meetings. Stupid traffic. Stupid Gary. Stupid Mondays.